I’ve begun pushing people away.. I hadn’t realized that until now.. Because I have convinced myself that they all have better things to do than care about me.. I’ve insulted people by admitting I feel close to no one.. They all have someone that they’re closer to than they are to me.. And that’s no surprise, they’ve all got others that take priority over me and that’s as it should be.. But I’ve put myself in this position, I’ve kept away from people purposefully.. I’ve isolated myself from the world because of being stigmatized.. I feel like I’m too odd of a person to really fit in anywhere.. I say things that people don’t understand, having a train of thought veer off down another path from everyone else’s.. I know, woe is me! It’s not about a pity party.. I guess I’m just making more inadequate attempts at trying to explain myself to those around me.. Maybe the issue isn’t seeking acceptance from those outside of myself.. Perhaps I need to fully accept and love myself.. I’m not sure it would make much of a difference though.. I realize I hold myself up to a different standard than everyone else.. If I don’t do things perfectly or that one “right” way, then I’ve totally screwed up and have ruined whatever I was attempting.. And therapy isn’t helping.. I reached a plateau long ago and can’t seem to improve.. Though it is free counseling, she can’t be any older than me, so I shouldn’t expect much.. Bottom line : I’m not sure how much help there is for me.. There are only so many meds they’ll give me.. There’s only so much to talk about.. I can only push myself so far in this fight against my mental illness..