Oh, yeah?! Well, I…..

I sometimes feel like people will hear me saying how much worse off I am mentally/ psychologically than they are..  I don’t feel like I over-compare myself, but in life there’s always some extent of comparison..  With that said, I have recently been doing very poorly..  I’ve been to the psychologist twice in a week and a half..  He changed my meds both times, so now I’m on 6 separate medications for my mental illnesses..  I take that back, I’m on 7..  Holy shit, that’s a lot..  🙁  And that’s in addition to all the other meds I take for various other illnesses..  I feel like my body is rebelling against me..  I’d be happy to be taking zero medications..  But that hasn’t been my reality for a very long time..  Random thought : it was nice, though very awkward, that the psychiatrist gave me a side hug as I left the appt..  He genuinely seemed at least a little concerned..  And that was nice, I never feel like any of my drs care..  Not that they’re neglectful in any way, but that I’m just a patient to them..  I don’t know, I was probably just reading into it..  I tend to misread people sometimes..

I still, by choice, don’t really talk to anyone. .  I’m trying to make more appts to see the counselor at advantage, but it’s so hard to get in, she’s always booked so far out..  Ah, well..  I suppose I’ll survive, though this depression is pretty bad right now..  And I’m so freaking drowsy!  Just about any time I sit down I have trouble..  My eyes can’t stay open and my head lolls to the side..  I end up in almost a half awake/ half asleep state..  I’m hoping that I’ll get used to my meds soon..

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