As I sit here, listening to music and typing out my thoughts, I can’t help but wonder how much my life will still improve? Most days it gets better, but some days are stagnant.. Things have progressed so much over the last several months and my overall health has gotten so much better.. I have MUCH to be thankful for, and I am.. But there are still things that I want or would like to do that I wonder if they’ll ever come to pass?
I have lived in such a state of dormancy that it’s proven difficult for me to muster up the motivation to get myself out of it.. I’m so used to doing, or rather not doing, things on a daily basis that I struggle to make myself do the things I know I need to do.. I am still very much in the fight and I have the passion and desire to live and breathe and exist and matter.. I just need to find the physical strength to actually make things happen..
With each day that passes I have much more clarity and acuity of mind, but I still have some troubles with memory.. I still have lost huge chunks of my life – most of my childhood is just gone, teen years are gone, early twenties just gone.. I don’t know if they’ll ever return to me; I doubt they will, and I guess that’s okay.. I’ve learned to accept some things in my life, things I might not really be okay with, but things that I can’t change and so might as well just “get over”..
Changing gears a bit : I find myself receiving little “messages,” if you will, occasionally.. Little reminders to not give up, to keep pushing forward, and to always strive to make my life better.. I have many people that care about me and I have some people that even love me, as miraculous as that is! I am so very blessed and I can’t even grasp how I’m still here today, but I am so very glad I am! Thank you for praying for me, thank you for caring about me, and thank you if you happen to be one of those few who love me, I don’t know how or why you do, but it means the world to me!