Do you ever… ??

… feel as though you try to hide or squash a part of yourself that might make others feel appalled and/ or put off of you?  Facing things that, if others knew, would make them seriously question your sanity..  I’m a very misunderstood individual as it is; I don’t need anything further to separate me from the normalcy of society..  I’ve always felt like I wore my heart on my sleeve, but with that said, I hide so much of myself..  There’s no one, not even family, that I feel I can be 100% myself around all the time..  I am always keeping my mouth shut when I have the desire to speak my mind, reveal my feelings and emotions; I have no one that I can text any time of the day or night, pouring my heart out, ranting, or even just being stupid..  I’m already too much of an inconvenience to people, I can’t bother them..  I’m too much of a burden on those around me; I’m not even worth their time and effort, so how could I justify asking for their attention?  It would be unfair to them, they have better things to do with their time than tend to me..  I just hope (I can’t believe I’m saying that word!) that someday I come to a place where I’m not as much of a pest to people and am able to actually contribute something worthwhile to the world, as opposed to just taking up space and wasting people’s time..  And I hesitate to even say anything here because I know it hurts people… There was going to be a “but” to that, but I can’t really think of anything to refute that statement..  I just wish my words didn’t hurt people, but I know they do, so for that I’m truly sorry..  I’d like to say I have hope that I’ll get better, that someday I won’t require people’s time, so that I’m not making such a negative impact on the world, but I can’t make any such guarantee..  As long as I’m alive, I’ll always be someone’s responsibility, someone’s inconvenience….