… throw them back and hope you hit Life in the face.. That’s such a wrong thing to say, I know, but I’ve been rather forlorn and upset since Thursday a week and a half ago.. Life changed for us all and not for the better.. Everyone keeps saying God can use this situation for good.. While I have no doubt that He can, I very much doubt whether or not He actually will.. I know that we were never promised that life would be fair, but I didn’t expect so many injustices.. The kids are the ones who will suffer most and there’s going to be conflict over that as well.. Stupid ass people acting like they suddenly have genuine interest; that makes my blood boil.. You’re the one who up and left, completely abandoning any life you had here so that you could live “carefree” and without the responsibility you brought on yourself.. Piece of shit.. I have so much anger and resentment in my heart right now.. And on top of that, you presume to know what’s best for the kids you left behind.. You’re a spiteful witch who’d rather fight for custody than see them stay in a stable and familiar home with people who actually love them.. Because you don’t love them – your actions clearly show that..
Anyways, that was enough time wasted talking about her.. I’d rather talk about my own personal issued and try to work through those instead, since I can’t even begin to change or influence her.. I have no life right now.. I sleep, eat, shit, and sometimes leave the house.. I regularly take an additional anti-anxiety med, which only sometimes seems to help.. I have to take a concoction of OTC meds in addition to prescription drugs throughout the day to battle physical pain, allergies, headaches, and emotional pain.. Sometimes I don’t even care if I might not wake up the next morning.. I’m not specifically trying to kill myself, I’m just apathetic right now.. And getting in to see anyone at advantage is a joke.. They’re not the least bit helpful in scheduling and they’re so busy that you get lost in a sea of faceless cases.. I just don’t know what to do with myself.. I had such high hopes that I wouldn’t get to such a low place again, but it happened very fast.. Not that there isn’t good reason to be depressed, but I still wish I was doing better.. I feel helpless and sometimes hopeless..