hush, hush..

It’s been a little while since I last posted and I felt I needed to get a couple things off my chest..  I have been looking into and beginning the process of something that could potentially be really good for me or could be disastrous..  I feel that at this age (31 in a couple months) I should start to make something of my life..  in years past I have felt that it was impossible to do anything beyond surviving..  I have been low, lower than low, and I don’t want to go back there; so I feel that taking some steps (even if they are teeny weeny baby steps) towards something, anything, would be an improvement..  it’d give me something to work towards and to look forward to..  it’s not a done deal and I’m not holding my breath, just in case it doesn’t work out..  perhaps soon, when things are a little more concrete, i’ll reveal what I’m talking about (in case you haven’t already guessed)..  I’m not really sure why I feel the need to keep it secret right now, I suppose in case it falls through or if someone feels that I’m incapable of actually accomplishing my goal..  I make myself look like an ass enough already, I wouldn’t want to add another occasion for people to criticize me..