So, it’s been maybe a month and a half since I started the detox? I’m not sure.. It’s been very rough! At first the toughest part was the physical symptoms I was experiencing, but after the first three weeks those started to subside and the mental symptoms started kicking in.. I’ve experienced just about every emotion under the sun, but the most prominent has been frustration and loss.. I’ve been grieving everything that I lost during the years I was a slave to those medications.. I have thought about all the possibilities that might have passed me by, all of the life experiences I have missed out on because I was in the throes of drug-induced mental illness.. I literally have no anxiety anymore, the depression I experience is due to the sadness over what I’ve lost/ what could’ve been.. I still am cranky sometimes, but it’s mostly because I still don’t feel 100% yet.. My body aches and hurts all the time.. I’m tired almost all the time.. But I’m finding myself able to spend more time with family again, which I do very much enjoy.. I know I still have a very long way to go before I can say I’ve reached some sort of “normal”, but I’m working hard to get myself there mentally and emotionally.. It may not seem like it to outsiders, but I really am trying hard.. My body still has a long way to go before it reaches a balance within itself, but I’m hoping to get there soon..
I’ve actually become a bit hopeful for the future.. I like to think that someday I might meet someone that I could share my life with.. I’d love to find a guy to marry; that would make me so incredibly happy.. But I realize I’ve got to work on myself quite a bit in the meantime..
I don’t know what will become of me, if I’ll ever amount to anything, or if I’ll ever accomplish my dream, but I’d like to at least try to do something worthwhile with my life, to be more than a taker.. I’d like to be able to contribute something in life.. Hopefully one day I’ll get there..
In closing I’d like to say a huge thanks to those of you who have offered your encouragement and love and for those who have prayed for me.. I appreciate it all more than I can put into words; it truly means a lot to me.. Thank you for caring about me..